Lifestyle terminology, explained plainly
6 min read · Updated 3 August 2026 · Adults only, 18+
The vocabulary is a barrier for newcomers, and asking feels exposing. Here is what the common terms mean, without euphemism and without assuming you already know.
Levels of involvement
Soft swap — intimacy with another partner short of intercourse. The precise boundary varies by couple and should always be stated rather than assumed.
Full swap — intercourse is included.
Same room — partners stay in the same room throughout. Common among newer couples, and permanent for many.
Separate rooms — partners are apart. Usually a later step, and one many couples never take.
Soft only, no swap — flirting, socialising and dancing, with nothing further. A large part of the community is here and stays here.
People and configurations
Unicorn — a single woman who joins a couple. The word is used affectionately but also carries a warning: single women receive an enormous volume of messages and are frequently treated as an accessory rather than a person. Couples who approach with that assumption are ignored.
Single male — the most competitive position in any lifestyle community. Verification and patience matter far more here than anywhere else.
Hotwife — a dynamic where the wife has other partners with her husband's knowledge and encouragement, often without him participating.
Cuckold — related, with an emphasis on the husband's role as observer. Both terms describe consensual arrangements between adults who have agreed them.
Etiquette words you will see
Vetting — the process couples use to establish that someone is real and safe before meeting. Video calls, verification badges, consistent conversation over time.
Ghosting — disappearing without reply. Common, tiresome, and worth not doing.
No means no, and maybe means no — the community's working rule. Hesitation is treated as refusal rather than as an opening.
Playing — the general term for any activity, whatever level.
Terms you will not see here
Anything implying payment for intimacy has no place in this community and is prohibited on this platform. Arrangements involving money are a different activity, are illegal in many of the countries our members live in, and put everyone involved at risk. If someone raises it, report them.
Common questions
Do we have to decide our level in advance?
Yes, and it should be stated before meeting. Deciding in the moment is how boundaries get crossed, and the person who suffers is usually the one who was least sure to begin with.
Can we change our minds later?
At any point, including mid-way, without explanation. Any reaction other than immediate acceptance tells you the people involved are not safe to be around.